soppin' it up...

As I navigate my way back into some semblance of "normalcy" (whatever that means)...I am finding that my perspective on life has changed in every way! My morning coffee tastes a lil bit more satisfying; as well, a summer strawberry can seriously change my mood as I savor the tartness, the sweetness and the texture. I guess what I am getting at is that I simply pay attention more intently that ever before. An early afternoon spent swinging on the swings with my daughter is more life-giving than it seemed to be last year, at this time. Before the big "C"...I may have been thinking way ahead as I would swing, like, "What will we do tomorrow?"..."I wish I could lose 10 more lbs"...BlAh bLaH blaHHH!!! I also believe I spent more time, in my mind, composing how to fix the lives of everyone else, instead of just "being". My mind would take me anywhere and everywhere except for where it should be focused...the PRESENT MOMENT! The picture below was taken as I was swinging with my daughter one day last week. This is what I could see as I would lean my head back and feel the wind on my face and the butterflies in my belly! Gotta love iPhoneography :) This is one of many ol' hardwoods in our neighborhood park that provide a beautifully lush canopy. The ginormous trunks are perfect for a challenging game of hide n' seek! I find when I am living my life in the moment, I notice these details. I actually PLAY hide n' seek. No more, "In a minute, Honey" and then that minute become a half hour, etc. When you stare death in the face...it does sumpin' to ya......

Am I living my life in the present moment ALL of the time!? Well, of course not. Last I checked I am still very much a human "doing". I fall back into some of my ol' ruts from time to time. For instance, I had a full o' fear and worry kind of sleepless night last Thursday. First one in a long time. I watched the movie A Little Bit of Heaven, and boy, did it do a number on my psyche!!! To give you a brief summary...Kate Hudson plays a young, successful advertising VP that gets colon cancer...the untreatable kind. The movie shows what she, and her friends and family, go through emotionally as she approaches death. I cried harder than I did on my roughest chemo day...I mean, sobbing out loud to the point of snot bubbles coming out of my nose!! I think it was a much needed release of emotion, but it was filled with intense fear...fear of my cancer returning. I don't think about this much at all. If it crosses my mind I simply push it right back out. Over many years of therapy, I have learned to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. For some reason, on this particular night, none of my regular practices worked. The thought of leaving my daughter here without her mommy was unbearable. I'm just starting to really get this whole living my life thing...so leaving this earthly existence isn't an option, you see...not now! I allowed the itty bitty shitty committee to take over my brain and they really ran away with it! I knew that I had to approach the fear with serious action! Lying in bed wrestling with my thoughts wasn't cutting it. I got on my knees and prayed and prayed, took a warm, candle-lit bath, thumbed through Marianne Williamson's Everyday Grace, had a lil snack...and prayed some more. Eventually, I dozed off and slept like a baby. Thank God those kind of nights don't happen but once in a blue moon. I am so grateful for the awareness and skills to get myself through those yucky times, if and when they rear their nasty lil heads.


I awoke the next morning and sensed a little nudge from God...a reminder that He is very present in my life, ALWAYS! Whether or not my day is going how I planned, whether or not I have had a disagreement with a loved one, whether or not my bones creak and muscles ache...life goes on. When I have faith in God's will, He gives me the strength to start my day over at anytime. When I heard that for the first time...I was like (valley girl style), "WHOA". The idea of starting your day over if it's not going well!!? What!? How did I live my life for 30 (ahem) years or so without that advice!? I relay those words to anyone I come in contact with who may be struggling. One of my students, my niece, a friend...whomever. It is so simple but it works!! I strive to "sop up" all that life has to offer...and learning how to let go of all the yuck makes a lot more room for yum.


Speaking of YUM...my daughter and I went to Six Flags yesterday!! What a memorable time! It was the first time in years that I have been, and it was her first time ever! I've no doubt God was with us because only He could have kept my aching body going from 11:00am until 6:30pm! All the rides I remember enjoying as a kid, I was able to introduce to her and experience them all anew! Talk about abundance and gratitude! THANK YOU GOD FOR KEEPING ME AROUND TO RIDE THE DAHLONEGA MINE TRAIN WITH MY SNOOKIE!! Ha! That old, jerky roller coaster hasn't changed one bit. We both left that one scratching our heads and rubbing our sore necks!

I am going to head on out and SOP UP whatever may be in store for me today! I am feeling the flow and I choose to ride the waves of life...however large and turbulent they may be. 

~peace, love and light........and sun shinin' through the trees....